Transitioning from one phase of life to the next can be a very scary and tumultuous experience, especially when you do not have an established support system already in place to catch you if you fall during your transition, and believe me you will stumble and perhaps even fall, sorry but it’s the truth; however, what’s even more important is found in the process of getting back up and allowing your truth to first piss you off and then utilizing that energy to create a life that is empowered and fueled with passion and purpose – essentially embarking on a life transformation.
As part of my preparation for today’s post I spent some time reviewing my first reflection journal that I was encouraged to start writing in as a way to focus my thoughts; but to also give myself a private, non-judgmental space to empty my emotions into which played an integral role in the beginning stages of the inner work and healing that I underwent at that specific time in my life and continue to do so today. My reflection journals were a catalyst to supporting and inspiring me to make a life transformaion from the old to the new – I encourage you, if you haven’t done so already, to get a reflection journal and actively write in it, at east once a week.
There is a particular quote that stood out to me and I would like to share it with you today that not only helped me remove the many mask I was wearing in my life at that time, but it also helped me to strip down to the nitty-gritty of my self truth. Highlighted and circled in bright red it stated, “The truth will set you free, but first it will also piss you off”. I don’t exactly remember where I heard or read this quote, as I was reading various self-discovery books and listening to inspiring podcast from successful female entrepreneurs and activist across the web, but it was thought provoking enough for me to have written it down in my beloved journal and circle it in red.
Indeed – the truth will piss you off – especially if our truth is reflecting back to us unsavory decisions and choices we’ve made in the past that not only hurt and stunted our own personal development and growth, but indirectly impacted the life of someone else we care about. I’ve spoken about, in another article, finding your truth and stepping into your power (Making the Decision: Standing in Your Truth and Power); however, what we must also be aware of and what I have learned time and again through trial and error is that in order to intentionally move forward with transforming our life and self image from the old to the new, we must first acknowledge and own our mistakes without excuse, ego or blame.
This was a tough lesson for me to understand at the soul level because evaluating my life from the outside looking in I wrongly perceived the many toxic situations I had found myself involved in as being 80% the wrong doing of the other person and I might hesitantly claim the other 20% as my culpability; for example, had I not allowed friend A or boyfriend B into my life I would not be feeling the anger, betrayal and dissatisfaction I felt the direction my life was heading in at the then time. I am by no means advocating self-blame where it may be inappropriately misplaced nor warranted, but what I am trying to show you is that how we choose to react or fail to react when life is teaching us a difficult lesson will ultimately expose to us the strength of our character and integrity.
As a result, I have come to understand and respect what it authentically means to step into one’s own truth, which has profoundly changed the way I view myself and the circumstances surrounding the stagnation, lack of motivation and mediocrity I experienced for a period of time in my personal and professional life. It wasn’t until I made a conscious decision to get real with myself regarding the decisions and choices I had made about the toxic relationships, experiences and people I had allowed into my life did I then become pissed off and owned my mess; once I allowed myself to process that anger did I start to witness and experience significant shifts in my thought process and the way I chose to process situations, experiences and events emotionally.
An analogy I like to reference is cloaked in the question “will the devil (situation or person) always come dressed in sheep’s clothing?” Most likely, otherwise we wouldn’t willingly allow toxic people or situations to stay in our lives for very long; so, are we necessarily the one to blame when the wool has been pulled over our eyes more than once? Yes and no. If you notice there is a destructive, repetitive pattern in your life for experiencing betrayal, failure, and mediocrity you must have at some point intuitively felt or sensed an unearthing in your spirit alerting you to the fact that something within you needs to change NOW, but as I have personally done in the past, and I am sure you have done as well, was to let that intuitive nudging from your inner self let it slide one too many times hoping that the next time it will be different, hoping that the next compromise you make for them will change their behaviour towards you, hoping that if I just bend over a little further for this person they will want to remain in your life – sound familiar?
The more we ignore, set aside, turn our heads and even walk away from the truth of our lived experiences the more we deceive ourselves and impede our own self-growth to move forward in life. Take a moment to reflect back on a time in your life, or perhaps at present on a situation that did not or is not serving your highest purpose in life; and think about what actions you took or lack thereof because you were too afraid to speak up for yourself or you were too caught up in protecting the feelings of the other person involved; or perhaps protecting your image from being perceived as being weak or ineffectual. How did that situation turn out for you?
Facing the truth is one thing, but allowing the nitty-gritty of that truth to first piss you off and then re-directing that energy to empower and use you for a greater and higher purpose is where the real power resides. When I was embarking on my life transformation I did not want to face my truth at first because I did not know how to authentically connect with that aspect of myself, but once I allowed myself the space to vent, look inwards without condemnation or guilt I was able to embrace the two faces of my inner self.
If you are having a difficult time stepping into your truth or perhaps embracing and navigating a life transformation, I invite you to review and fill out our Lifestyle Clarity form.
Melissa .T. Jarred is a certified Toronto Image Consultant and Personal Stylist who works with women expeiencing life transitions who feel deep within their soul that it is time to not only up-level and overhaul their entire life, but to also revamp their image and personal style to authentically align and reflect with the new changes that are emerging in your life.