Forgive Yourself:
Calling Out Your Past

how to forgive yourself after a big mistake

Hello Ladies,

Let’s chat about how to forgive yourself after a big mistake.

We all have a past. A situation, personal choice or unfortunate happenstance we’ve experienced at some point in our lives that may have left a negative residue behind we just can’t seem to get rid of; as a result, delaying our ability to purposefully turn to a fresh page in our life and start over again. I myself have also experienced this delay to move forward without constantly looking over my shoulder at my past mistakes and perceived inadequacies. To be honest, some days I feel like Superwoman and on other days those old, negative, toxic memories and unsavory decisions try to get the best of who I am divinely evolving into as an image consultant and transitional life coach for women. I have spent the last 2-weeks in a very dark and paralyzing place to the point that it was negatively hindering my ability to move forward. I was stuck, toiling over past failures and toxic situations I found myself involved in that did not serve a higher purpose in my life then and most certainly does not serve a purpose now. My old self kept showing up during the past 2-weeks trying to persuade me into giving up and pulling the plug on everything I have worked so hard to achieve both personally and professionally. I questioned my ability to empower other women to purposefully transition within their own lives with the very same determination that continues to motivate me today.

However, through meditation and self-reflection what I was reminded of and have gained clearer understanding on is that letting go of your past is not only a process, but a journey. I had finally discovered the true meaning of – practicing self-forgiveness – As such, in order for us to make profound – long-term – changes in our life that ultimately lead us into transitioning from our old selves to a renewed, more empowered and present self we must continuously learn to deal with our past head on; including any associating negative chatter and toxic memories. So, just how do we do this without staying stuck in those memories or wanting to revert back to old habits and patterns? As I did, you will have to consistently FIGHT BACK! Every time your past attempts to intrude into the new life you are rebuilding for yourself with the intention of disrupting and creating self-doubt you have to speak with authority to the situation, individuals involved, hurt feelings and stagnation of the past and let it know that it has NO PLACE in the direction that your new life is transitioning into. Easier said than done, I know, I get it. But, like I said it’s a process and a journey that will no doubt on some days leave you mentally and emotionally drained; however, what is most important is that you identify your past when it shows up, speak to it with authority and control, then…wait for it – LET IT GO.

Having the courage and intuitive ability to quickly identify, stand up to and let go of your past is a liberating and personally empowering experince. Consciously stepping into your power and making the decision to stop allowing your past to know longer have control over your future will eventually become a natural reaction for you whenever your past decides that it wants to make an unannounced appearance in your new life. Letting go of your past can happen in a variety of ways: Shifts started happening in my life when I consistently made the time and effort to meditate and simply spend time with my thoughts, thus allowing myself to explore and sift through unresolved feelings (which sometimes made me very angry), thus allowing me to discern the origin of where these toxic thoughts and memories are coming from and why they are showing up in my life now, even when  I mistakenly believed  that I had dealt with them already. Through meditation and prayer I’ve learned to aggressively identify and isolate the thoughts, feelings and memories that do not have a place in my life while simultaneously purging them from the essence of who I was divinely created to be.

Purging toxic thoughts and memories is not an easy task; in fact, it can be a discouraging experience if you are not 100% committed to overhauling your life from the inside out. A lot of well-intentioned, self-help ‘gurus’ often suggest that we should strive to replace every negative thought with a positive one; however, how are we to do so if we first do not have a healthy, self-concept and image of who we are as an empowered  individual? I think this is where many of our inner conflicts are rooted; in the fact that we have forgotten or perhaps were never taught to unapologetically value and recognize our own self-worth and unique contributions within our own families, professional life, intimate relationships and friendships; we kind of just go with the flow until something major happens in our life that disrupts that flow and WAKES US UP! The whole concept of replacing a negative thought with a positive one can only be truly achieved, in my humble opinion, if we do so from an empowered, centered and grounded position that emanates from within ourselves, not from outside of us; as a result, consistently giving us the inner strength to purge and then replace the negative with a positive. And by no means am I professing to be a self-help guru 😊. I am, however, concerned with helping other women, just as I have helped myself, to passionately and purposefully transition from one phase of their life to the next with focus, clarity and unwavering determination.

Lastly, and as cliché as this may sound and probably does, FORGIVE yourself and your past. Why? Because forgiving yourself and your past will make room for new opportunities (personally and professionally) to blossom within your life; you will acquire a new passion and zeal for your unique talents, as well as renewing your life’s purpose. Ultimately, forgiving yourself will allow you to start your life over again, regardless of age; only difference is that this time you are starting over with a fresh page in a new chapter of your life. Of course, there will be naysayers, haters and enemies who will be quick to bring up your past and happily spoon feed you all the reasons why you shouldn’t or can’t make positive changes in your life, but you know what? That’s when you know you are closer to achieving your goals than you think. Yes, the universe will test you and try your patience, but I’ve learned through trial and error (still do) to keep going even when I feel like hanging on to toxic habits, memories and chatter from the past – it is during these times of climbing my mountain of inner greatness is where I was able to test my strength and fortitude.

Another post you may find useful on your journey of transition is Your Truth Will Piss You Off First, Before It Set’s You Free.

If you are a woman who is currently experiencing profound transitions within her own life, I invite you reach out to me through our Lifestyle Clarity Application to further discuss how I can assist and support you in achieving what appears to be the impossible within your own life’s journey.

Mel J.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.